Let’s talk about relationships. I came across several videos in which people claim to be okay with their partners having friends of the opposite s*x (have to sensor my description for YouTube). In this video, I gave some of my opinion, experience, and overall advice on the matter.
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Guys. He thinks girls can’t have guy friends,
You know what? Listen,
No problem. We’re going to have you going to go straight to your guy, friend. Right? And you’re going to take advantage of that. And once
God forbid guess was going to try to get at you your gut.
No, he’s not. Cause it’s not even like that. How much you want to bet. If you literally I’ll literally call him right now, I can see that. Hello. Hey, so me and Dave is broke up. I’m kind of, I just want to get it like a distraction. Do you, can you come over? What’s your hungry, I’ll call you back.
I’m sending you out here. Okay. I’m blocking a pocket.
1 (1m 1s):
Good morning. Good afternoon. Or good evening, depending on when you’re tuning in. My name is Jonathan Torres Herrera and you are watching the JTH show today. We’re going to talk about, should my wife have a boyfriend, but first roll that intro
0 (1m 16s):
1 (1m 26s):
Guys who work at started as always thank you for watching. And remember, you can catch this entire audio podcasts on Spotify, Apple, Google, or radio public. So, you know, if you have already thank you very much, we’re catching it on there and downloading it really appreciate it. Helps us show a lot something else that helps us show a lot. You know what it is? You sending me money, just kidding. Ringing the notification and liking it’s the same thing. One like gives me $1 you ringing the notification. Gives me $10. She’ll do both help a brother.
1 (1m 57s):
I mean, just kidding. Just do it though. Okay. So let’s get into the show. People are like J T’s wife can have a boyfriend and before you go on and comment and say, yes, you can hold your horses. I’m not talking about my wife. I also going to buy in general. So you’re hoping to like, for like a spicy, like got him. No, but it is a, a question that came up because of that video that just showed, right. It’s something that has come up before from people asking me, because like I said before, I have been married for now 14 years plus, and I must be doing something wrong or Monica is either a death and a mute by now who knows.
1 (2m 39s):
And she’s maybe blind as well. So she doesn’t really know who was married with, but you know, the point here is that I usually try to take advice from people specifically about something that I maybe care a lot about from someone that is quote unquote winning. And I, from my perspective, from my track record, with my feel like, you know, a relationship, a marriage is something that I had been winning for a long time now, now, and then come easy. My wife over there was, I don’t know, she’s not a it hasn’t and she can probably say the same right about me.
1 (3m 14s):
It’s not something that just happens. It’s not something that you are born with. That’s all BS. Anybody that knows me directly knows the kind of relationship that I come from and in terms of my mom’s marriage, right. And they have their, their story and their story to tell for them. But it’s nothing of a resemblance of what my relationship is. And that is okay. But a lot of people have the misconception that, well, you know, you’re probably are going to be what your relationship is or was a home when you were growing up, meaning your parent, you know, you look at your swagger, you look at your wife and you know, things like that, right.
1 (3m 47s):
There’s a lot of little like mids and hearsay. You hear whether it be culture base or whether it just be quote unquote psychological base. And I think a lot of that is BS. Some of it, some of it may have a foot to stand on, but most of it is crap. Why? Because, well, one, I think the entire basis of our relationship is based on the education that you actually have about relationships. Yeah. It’s, it’s a thing that gets not just experience. It’s not something that, Oh, well I dated many people I’ve been divorced in time.
1 (4m 20s):
So I, I had the experience where I must know, no, it’s about educating yourself now only about the person you’re going to be with before you decide to commit yourself to, it’s not just that it’s also educating yourself about, Hey, I, in my case and married to a woman, I’m going to try to find out what I can, that my apply to my wife. Right. In terms of woman’s psychology. And I know you’re going to maybe stop and be like, Oh really? So effing book, isn’t it.
1 (4m 51s):
Tell me about, hold on. I said, there’s a lot of different ingredients to this formula to knowing who you’re married with, right. Or who you, who you’re going to marry for that matter. It’s talking to her, right? That doesn’t mean I’m in terms of my wife, it’s talking to other men that have, are married to wife because of this also by the way, my opinion can apply. And while I’m not gay, it can apply. In my opinion, to our relationships, including the LGBTQ plus.
1 (5m 21s):
Right. It can, because at the end of the day, it comes down to relationship. It doesn’t come down to a race. It doesn’t come down to, you know, your sexual preference. It comes down to you, you as an individual, as a human being, right. You can come from a disastrous background from a mom or a father that had two, three, you know, failed relationships or marriages. I grew up with four step moms, dude. You know, somebody else can tell me. And actually the hold on, someone else has told me, dude, you know, there were so many guys that came in and out.
1 (5m 53s):
I don’t know, like they were all my dads and you know, it was that person, the time, his excuse for why he had at the time, two, three, two, or, and I was two, two failed marriages. Right. And he was trying to make it work with the third one, you know? And again, all this came back to me when I saw this video, it’s not just like, well, I’m doomed because you know, that’s where my mom was. That’s where my dad was. So I’m bound to do that. No, it’s not something you, you know, I don’t know, inherit parody, like, you know, like diabetes or something.
1 (6m 24s):
And you can even hear in that. So for those people saying that I did for my mom, that’s , that’s not true. Okay. Just like that. It’s not the same guys is not that you can’t come and tell me that, Oh, how you have a good relationship JT, because, well, you know, you know who Monica, his parents were, they were very successful. Well, what does that have to do with anything? So today we’re going to talk about some of the things that in my opinion are not okay with what’s happening in modern society. Now my wife already, you know, gave me her point of view saying, well, you know, it’s just the way shit is now.
1 (6m 56s):
I disagree. And yeah. Am I surprised? You’re like, well, where your wife is disagreeing about something that you got about to talk about. Yes. And that’s why we’re so successful because I have my point of view. She has her point of view. She changes some of my, I changed some of ours. And at end of the day, we can go, still go sleep at the same freaking bed. And I’ll be like, I need to counsel you. I need a counseling for tonight. And I need you to go sleep in the car. No, it means, Hey, that’s just the way you think. Right. And it is what it is. So step one, accept, accept who you are with without the needing of quote unquote, relationship counseling, running up a down door or asking that person to leave.
1 (7m 33s):
Can you need space sometimes? Yeah, of course you can. Right. But before you ask for it space and it becomes a regular thing. Cause that’s another thing that I can tell you that me and my wife have committed to doing is once we feel we’re in a, in a mindset of like, you know, we gotta, you know, man, we need, we need some time apart before we ask for time apart, we deep dive into why we’re even thinking about that. And it’s been years. If I, if not, I can’t even remember the last time. And I’m like, you know what? I really need Monica to go sleep at her mom’s house or in her car, or Monica has asked me to go to a hotel.
1 (8m 8s):
It’s just not a thing because we are adults in the sense that, you know, we can talk to each other, work, something out that it needs to be worked out. And there’s no turning back. There is no like, you know, I can talk to you right now, babe, but I choose not to. That’s just, just to like leave to the bar. No, there is no exiting this room until we work this out. More importantly, respect, respect above everything. There is no I’m going to yell at you and cuss you out.
1 (8m 40s):
That is not a thing. And yes, my wife is right when she says, well, unfortunately, have you seen those videos of man calling? You know, when I want to keep the podcast a little PG, not, not go, you know, what’s profanity, but the B word, the F word, the D word at their others. And you’re such a B word, whether they’re joking or not, that should never be allowed. Call me a super conservative, call me boring. Trust me.
1 (9m 10s):
It’s one of those lines that once you cross it, you will not be able to uncross once the day that your significant other, if you’re a woman and you start calling your, your man, and by the way, again, this applies to everyone across the board. I want anybody trying to tell me that I’m leaving the gay community out there. There’s a plus to everybody, but I’m using as an example, a woman and says, baby, you’re such a D word. You’re crossing a line that you’ll never be able to cross back. And guess what? You’re maybe saying it right now. Jokingly. What, what, what what’s, what is it?
1 (9m 40s):
If you, we know what, what would prevent you from saying, and when you’re mad, instead of saying hi is said to the word saying, God, you’re such D word effing, D word. And people are like, what is that? What saying? Which one is, is it this one? This one? Not that you know which one? I mean, right. There’s four letters. Right? So anyways, but the video, first of all, I think it was stage. If you look at it real closely at the beginning, she’s dialing a number. I mean, if she had a friend, that’s her friend, it would say like, Mike, Bob, Jerry, you know, whatever side hustle, whatever.
1 (10m 16s):
Right on the, on the damned caller ID. Cause she shows it right. I’m a guy she’s not. And he’s like, look at the phone. You know, I don’t know. You know, and the guy looked at the camera like, you know, like you will, who will come on so stage, but okay. Stage are not the guy’s reaction. The gross reaction. Oh my God. A block him, listen. Those are some of the things that right off the bat, you should be discussing with your significant other when it comes to, can my wife have a boyfriend? Well, first of all, my wife can not have a boyfriend.
1 (10m 47s):
So don’t ask nether can either, so sorry. You know? And a boyfriend, of course, that’s one. When I was on a man, I can’t have a boyfriend, either girlfriend, maybe, but none of where, you know, but what’s what, why is just because my wife is like super jealous and she’s like, I don’t want anybody to take my . Come on now, come on now. It’s not about that. Isn’t it. And it’s not because somebody wants me. That’s not true though. Will say that it’s because we have established in the beginning. Let me tell you something. When I was in high school, I wasn’t like the most popular, but I had plenty of friends that were girls.
1 (11m 24s):
When I left high school, I kept in touch with many of them. And guess what? Once I married, once in fact, once I got with my wife, right? As a boyfriend and girlfriend going to deal, those conversations came up of what we were comfortable with. Did they were planned? Was it something that we’re like, Hey, Hey babe. So in other words, dating on March 5th, will you mind if we sit down and talk about like the mutations? Of course not. But of course scenarios come up, right? Life comes up and you take advantage and you talk about those conversations and you bring them up to the point where you can have a civilized conversation.
1 (11m 60s):
Now, the day that you feel, they like, I don’t really want to say that because he might, he might leave me. He might, you know, or she might leave me. Oh my gosh. He might think I’m like a controlling stop right there. Let me tell you something. You’d be, feel like you can’t bring something up to a significant other because you fear abuse. God forbid you fear abuse. You fear that that person will be, I don’t know, running away, kicked him out. I know it hurts. And you’re like easier said than done. Maybe. Sure. Yes. But let me tell you something.
1 (12m 30s):
That is not something that’s gonna resolve itself in the year after you’re married or 10 years after you’re married, it’s going to get worse because you’re gonna get older and your, your ability to understand, to, to cope, to mature about a topic. It’s not going to get any worse. You get most people as they get older, they get more stuck in their ways, right? They, they, they, it’s harder for you to mold them out of that. The whole, you know, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. It’s sorta true. So at the person at the beginning is telling you, I’m going to have, you know, I’m a guy and my wife in bed, you can’t tell me nothing.
1 (13m 3s):
Cause I want to have 10, four, 15, 20 girlfriends. They’re not actual girlfriends, but you know, friends are girls. I don’t want you to limit me. I want to be like the Danbury Zarian or whatever that guy is at Playboy guy. You have no idea. Everybody knows that guy. And you think it’s going to be a better as I get. He’s how you happened, her. He didn’t get better. When he got older, it got worse. I was always fearful for that guy. I was like that guy, Holby getting a regular STD Chuck for that guy, it didn’t get better. He didn’t get mature. And like, he’s like, I’m going to marry just one girl. No, it got worse because that’s just how it is.
1 (13m 36s):
It’s something you’ve been doing your whole life. So if you don’t have those conversations at the beginning, when it matters about saying, you know, maybe not, you know, and the person’s like, okay, then we can’t be together. Then you can’t be together. They’re telling you, they can’t be together because if you can’t be okay with it now, even though you can convince yourself to do right about anything, what makes you think you’re going to be okay with it in 10 years and be like, you know what? He has no girlfriend spend 10 years. I think I’m going to be okay with it. And 10 years time, will I let her meet her?
1 (14m 10s):
Will help me accept that he has girlfriends. There’ll be okay with him. No. Why? Because, well, let me tell you something. What if he decides to have younger girlfriends and you’re older and you look at that mirror and you’re like, I’m okay. I’m okay. No, you’re not going to be okay. Mary Bob is out there with youngings and you’re getting older and that’s naturally something we feel bad about. You know, a lot of us try to like, like you’re fine and like good wine.
1 (14m 41s):
You’re getting better. At the end of the day, you look at someone that’s younger hanging around with your significant other. Again, whether you’re a woman, a man, and it gets to you, it can get to you. And if right now you’re not okay with it. To my point. Don’t expect for you to be okay with it 10 years down the line. And you’re just going to be telling yourself you’re okay with it right now, because you don’t really want to lose him because you’ve never met someone like that because they’re perfect. I’ve heard so many relationships. I’ve had people, I cannot tell you how many people have come to me and asked me like, dude, you know, but I don’t want to be upset about it, but I don’t want to be this.
1 (15m 14s):
And by the way, this applies also to other things that are not necessarily just opposite sex issues. Like, you know, a friend having another friend at the grow up or whatever, you know, that kind of really, no, this also applies to habits. Spending habits, spending habits is actually another big one, right at the beginning, many relationships go into the whole, this is your money, my money we’re separate. You know what? I’ve had relationships that they, they make it work somehow good for them.
1 (15m 46s):
And the way I liked right. Two legs. But I’ve also had people have come to me and be like, dude, I’m paying for this. I’m paying for this. I’m paying for this. And she’s the one that I think P for anything I’m over here working my ass off. And it’s like, you know, hear them. Do you have a problem? I know you don’t, I’m talking about right. No. I mean, well, Monica is money. Money goes, money is my money. And my money is Monica is money. Money goes to work. I work and it’s irrelevant. It’s still her paycheck.
1 (16m 16s):
We got paid today. That’s what works for my relationship. Again, people can say, well, that’s old fashion. How are you ever going to let her grow? She’s not my effing kid and anybody that says, Oh, this person is like my kid, man. I know it’s so funny. Right? You saw that movie in that one movie that they said, it’s not a movie. And you say that that person either a ends up hearing that they feel down, you feel like they’re putting them down, but they just won’t tell you that.
1 (16m 48s):
Cause they don’t, they want to avoid a fight or they hear that. They take advantage of like, okay, I’m a kid. Fine, fine. I’m going to act like one. You don’t understand the kind of what you tarnish with the comments. Right? So when it comes to a relationship, Jonathan JT, Karen, my girlfriend have a friend like that. I will tell you this one. What would that person not? I don’t want to hear what you think they would say or ask that person what they would say.
1 (17m 20s):
If you did same. No, they can’t pick the friends. Like fine, fine, fine. Mary Bob is like, I have my girlfriends. You can have friends that are boys too, but they have to be like, you know, mini in size. They need to be the least 200 patent. No, there’s not checklist here. Simple. If you’re going to have girlfriends are going to be okay when I have boyfriends. First question. Second question.
1 (17m 51s):
How long are we gonna keep this up? Yeah, that’s a, that’s a question. That’s that’s actually very real question. Why? Because again, is this something that’s going to be like for now? There’s this friend Bay. I know me. You just got together three months ago. I’ve been friends with her since we were in high school or younger, you know, I got a, I got a winger off, right. That can be a scenario. And I can tell you, it is, it’s an error with someone that I know. I get it. That’s understandable. So the question is for how long are we going to keep this up?
1 (18m 23s):
Number three. What do you do? And it’s real question. And it’s like, I know it never happened. Answer it. What would you do, Bob? If your friend Susie owns up and says, you know, I kind of have sentimental feelings towards you and Bobby, then after answer that to Mary, right? What will you do? It’s a real question. Do you just cut them off? So when you think about it, you’re in that situation right now. And you’re like, damn, and you’re speaking like fucking music to my ears.
1 (18m 55s):
Those are the top three questions. Why you have a time question? You have a fairness question, like is a fair back and forth. And then you throw in a really real possible hypothetical. Like what do you do with the other party? The third party says again, I think I fell in love with you. I think, you know, maybe they’re in a relationship. Then they break up and then like, you know what, let me run to Bob, which that kind of video that U S arm it’s not necessarily wrong. It does happen. We’re human. We develop over time, strong, you know, appreciation, call it for other people that listens to us that are there for us.
1 (19m 33s):
You know, specifically when that person has been with us through really tough times. I mean, you, I’m sure you’ve seen movies about it. And if not, you probably have heard, you know, some stories and at the bare minimum, have you seen novellas happens all the time? It’s real. So I ask, I tell you guys, anybody listen to this and watching this and saying, you know, I’m going to be in a relationship one day and I want to hear about this. Some of the things you need to ask right off the bat. So to kind of finish off this video, I’ll leave you with this. There is no better tactic.
1 (20m 4s):
If there’s any tactic to relationship, then talking accepting answers, because you’re going to want to have the same level of acceptance back in return. So it goes both waste. This would be, if I had literally two people in front of me, I would tell them, you will both listen and you will both accept. Those are the first steps, the answers then, and only then can later we can talk about what you don’t like about the answers you’ll have accepted them.
1 (20m 39s):
I shared in the past that, and I learned this by the way. And cause I’m like some really nice thought about hair. Oh, here I am. But I didn’t thought about it from my dad’s AA classes, right where my dad was an AA. I, you know, as a child, I heard a lot of things and they just made sense. And there was a lot of listening and we don’t do that a lot. We watch a lot, a lot of, a lot of videos, YouTube, Facebook, tech talk, we were working intaking. But do you realize how much you judge every single time you watch one of them? I do it too. I’m I’m human.
1 (21m 9s):
You’re human. That’s why I’m not judging you. No worry. But when you’re in person with someone and they’re telling you, they’re giving it leading in, they laying eating, laying into you. It’s time for you to not have that social media response of waiting to like it, awaiting, waiting to dislike it or waiting to comment on it. It’s removing that feeling, hearing accepting. And after you’ve given your time or giving yourself time to process, then coming back and saying, okay, well I accept that.
1 (21m 46s):
You know, you are like this and this is what you want. This is what I want our relationship. And I don’t feel, unless it can tell me how I would. I don’t feel that, that we mesh. And it’s hard to say that it’s one of the most, I think one of those difficult things to even think about. I had a buddy who went through a breakup through a really divorce actually. And you know, I had to help him through it. And it was probably one of the most difficult things that I witnessed myself because I lived there with him. Yeah. I wasn’t married obviously, you know, along with him, but I lived it right.
1 (22m 20s):
The, the, the, the, the pain of having to break that down to the kids, the pain of having to accept that this person who is with four years, mother of his children, it was like, it was no longer going to be. And it came down to the values. It came down to what they wanted out of life. It’s incredibly difficult, especially when you’ve been with someone for maybe 10 years. And so for some people, male, 12 years seems like a long time or 12 months. I’m sorry.
1 (22m 50s):
It seems like a long time for some people, for those urban mayor, for like a decade of like puppy love, hold on. You know, every love deserves its respect, right? And their merits, some people 24 months, it feels like a long time for you to come down to realization like, you know what he wants, what she wants. I can’t bring myself to accept it. I’m sorry. And, and a lot of relationships fail because they can’t get to that. You know that win-win not a business thing more than anything, but I think it applies to relationships.
1 (23m 26s):
It can be a lose, lose. It can be a win lose. It can be any is to be a win, win. And by the way, lose loses. Like, if you don’t get what you want, I don’t get what I want. We both gonna lose. We’ve offered down Regulus. It can be like fine. Okay, then whatever you want, as long as you’re with me, as long as you know, we can have that Instagram. No, no. Cause it will catch up to you. It will haunt. You you’ll wake up, you know, hating the person eventually, in my opinion, it needs to be a win-win.
1 (23m 59s):
That’s what it needs to be. So to conclude, can my wife, I have a boyfriend. I already told you, no, this is I’m asking and shared yours. I already told you. That’s my opinion. Now you told me in the comment section, Hey dude, I make it worse. So FIU, boom. I want to say a few that are nice, but I made it work. Okay. Cliff, congratulations, man. In fact, I would like to have you on the show woman or a woman or man, tell me about it. Tell me why you, how you made it work. Why am I wrong? So other than that, guys, thanks for watching the show.
1 (24m 30s):
Make sure you leave a light on the video. Make sure you leave a or a ring on her vacation. She’s not too much. They ask and yeah, that’s it for today. Guys. Hope you have a great rest of your day. See ya.